I feel you Meg. I feel you.
I have read a ton of Q&As and if you ask prolly 99% of today’s civilization, their most important gadget or what thing you couldn’t leave at home with, the answer would be their cellphones. In a world where we thrive to connect, we are virtually wired. We do everything on or cellphones that we would probably head back home if we realize we left our phones on or bed because Dad was honking to leave. Well, that happened to me today. I couldn’t go back because it would be another 30 minute drive and I was running late for my class. I’m the chairman of the bloc, and my blocmates and my instructor would probably call or text and I wouldn’t be notified. I was going to attend a book signing and my friend was on the other section. There was a flurry of mishaps playing in my head on what was going to happen to me just because I left my phone.
I had no choice but to face the day head first. A part of me was worried but a bigger part of me was looking forward to how the day was going to be. First, I rode the ferry and excitedly searched my bag for my earphones and phone to play music for the 15 min ferry ride, but I remembered that I left the latter. And because of that, I heard the ferry go against the wind, the water rush, the child cry, the newspaper being held by a man in long sleeves, and the slow snoring of a woman—and those I heard just today despite riding the ferry twice a week. Second, a blocmate who had to be excused because she had another important appointment to attend to had to look for me instead of just phoning me, regarding her request. I got to see her and give her my good lucks—if that was on the phone, it was short and unreal. Third, my friend who was going with me to the book signing whom I have not been with for the last three weeks on a daily basis had to basically sit and cling with me as we wouldn’t have any other communication than our eyes and mouths. If I had my phone, we would just text each other and see each other outside. Lastly, the feeling of utter independence and freedom. Not a ring one was going to interrupt your trivial thoughts, not a vibration could stop your excited mouth, no notif could suddenly switch your mood.
Well, today was unfortunate because I came home with 30 unread messages and 8 missed calls. Who knows what they could be, I hope they’re not too important. But the most important thing about my little accident is that, without our “all-too-important gadget”—WE HEAR MORE, SEE REAL FEELINGS, ATTACH AND CLING, AND BECOME FREE
We may never stop associating our lives with these phones but I just hope we don’t forget that our world is beyond the confinements of our smartphones. 😁
One walks like angels on clouds
And speaks like chirping birds.
Giggles with immaculate innocence.
Dreams like an unending incense.
The other speaks as wrath
And walks like an abstract craft.
Jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
Real as piercing as an arrow.
Both to me they proved
That quality is really over quantity
It is not in the longevity
But rather in the memoirs.
This is just a speed bump.
A way for us to test the waters,
To squeeze our hearts for things to pump.
To validate that above all, friendship matters.
Sepanx. Sepanx. Sepanx.
This anxiety shall last until brethren bring us together.
Until then I make do planning future moments,
Because there are things meant for us, only us.
November 7, 2015 ~ a dreadful heartbreak. This is something to be experienced. An experience that shouldn’t last forever. Totally never gonna happen again. 💔💔💔 😭😭😭
They fall one after the other.
No one knew why.
I don’t either.
Tomorrow they’ll vanish
Like they were never there.
No one will know of the anguish.
Maybe I lost myself
Because I tried
To please the shelf.
Dreams are fleeting magical carpet rides that will make you believe in the possibility of every single thing and that change is not the only thing constant, dreaming and continuing to be a dreamer is too. I just realized that the reality of the dream I wanna be will take every single of fiber of me believing that everything is possible and that I would always make way for whatever it is to be possible.
That wherever God puts me, I will just strive to shine for his glory. Truth be told, the only thing I am most afraid of in the second semester to come is that what If I won’t get to be blocmates with my two buddies. But then I realized, the true value of friendship will always be in the quality not the quantity.
That the best thing in this world is becoming a cheerleader. Not in the strict sense cheerleader though, it’s the inspiration booster kind. I realized that making your dreams come true and becoming the person who you want to be will never quantify to helping someone become who they want to be and becoming who you are—a genuine, sincere, being who loves.
The three week break has just started and as a freshman who braved the unknown seas, I am just glad that I survived the first wave of the storm.
I survived the first semester of my first year. It ain’t a big thing but for someone who emotionally thought it isn’t possible and gone through a major adjustment stage, I am proud of myself. I really never believed it was going to be easy peasy but at least it’s off of my list with no broken bones made. I had to allow a few technical adjustments of myself to be capable of the battle, and I do not regret the four months that just passed.
There is both joy and sadness in the semester thing in college. You get to learn subjects in half the time which is really cool because it does not becoming dragging. But you also get to be with you bloc mates, half the usual time you have spent in from your elementary and high school classmates. Lucky are those who just go school, ace their tests, and go home without investing emotions on the people they are with. I hope I could be like them, but, no, I am a kind of person who loves to get to know people, loves to chat as a stress reliever, loves to joke and be joked in return, loves to be part of people’s lives and be part of theirs in return. I invest in getting to know, I invest my emotions because I believe that’s it gives meaning to living. It makes breathing oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide totally worth it.
So this is how it feels to be college. Now I know, and I am looking forward to more! I may have sepanx regarding buddies but I know I’ll make it!
It is in the journey, the experience, and friendships nurtured. 💋💋💋
Here’s a montage of some of my photos this semester! 😁
I am doubting myself.
I am doubting my capabilities.
I am doubting the things that I already know.
I am doubting the cord that ties me to my dream.
I am doubting the possibility of becoming number one.
I am doubting the theories I once put above my head.
I am doubting if I truly deserve all these.
This is such a petty reason and that there are other more people who face bigger challenges and shortcomings-but as a seventeen year old, this is my world. My existence probably rely on these. The pride I long to give to my parents rely on these.
Months ago, I was certain that it was possible. Even if it felt like a shout to something that’s void, I never thought of a a scenario like now.
But as what they say, “there’s always a first time.” And I will make sure that this would be the first and the last. I’m gonna give it all now. If this would fail, I would take it as a sign an probably say bye.
Well, sometimes we have to give up what has passed and just brace ourselves for what’s to come. That was today, I will brace for tomorrow.